Love versus Trust

I know this isn’t very Christmas-y, but this is a topic that seems to be season-less.  The inspiration came from one of my clients who is struggling within a relationship.  She has handed over her power and has allowed him to manipulate her in multiple and various ways.  Yet, she has felt helpless to do anything differerent.  Until now…

I celebrate with her today that she has taken back her strings.  She understands now that she was focusing on love and forgetting about trust.  Because her break-thru on this has been so amazing, I wanted to share an email (privacy maintained) I sent her to think about this very important topic.

For those of you struggling in relationship too…read on.

 

This articles sums up much of what we’ve been discussing, it’s a good read: http://www.divinecaroline.com/22065/35337-wants

I look forward to the day when you feel that you deserve better.

Another thing…

I’ve been thinking about how attached you are to the word ‘love’, how important it is to you.  That’s cool, and right, and good.  But there is another word that is of equal importance that you’ve not been focusing on, and that word is ‘trust’.

You can have trust in a relationship, and not love, and still have a good relationship.
You cannot have love, with no trust, and have a good relationship.  The lack of trust eventually erodes the love.

There are three components to trust:
1.  Sincerity
2.  Competency
3.  Reliability

You must have all three of those components for full trust to exist. Answer these questions about him…

1.  Is he sincere?  From my point of view, yes he is.  He is as sincere in his wanting you as is possible for him.  The secondary question is then: is that enough?  Is his level of sincerity enough?  If you say no, then you have your answer.  If you say yes, then ask yourself why you are willing to undersell yourself.  When will you believe that you deserve better?

2.  Is he competent?  For this process, has he demonstrated himself to be a competent partner to others?  You wouldn’t get on an airplane with a pilot who crashed three planes, yet are you willing to give your heart to a man who has crashed other women’s hearts?  If the answer is no, then you have your answer.  If you say yes, then ask yourself: what do I need?  Not from him.  But what is he representing to you…
Uncertainty…excitement and adrenaline rush of wondering if and when he will call
Passion…
Power… (I can change him)

3.  Is he reliable? This means, has he demonstrated time and time again to show up, be there, hold your feelings as important?  Has he demonstrated reliability to other women he has been romantically involved in. The past does not define who we are today, but it does provide data that is useful when analyzing reliability. Analyze the data and then decide for yourself if this person is worthy of your trust.

We can talk more about this tonight, if you wish.  I just woke up this morning with trust on my mind and wanted to share this with you while it is still fresh.

Have a really great day!

 

Blessings,

Lynette